if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
