i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
