one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
