i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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