You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
