____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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