Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
