im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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