Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize