why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
