fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
