Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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