Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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