According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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