Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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