My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
