Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
