my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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