I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
