listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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