at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
