I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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