She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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