i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
