fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
