my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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