I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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