Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
