i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
