we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
