God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
