i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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