I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
