conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
