I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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