so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
