i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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