What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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