he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
