theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Panties = found
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
