So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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