the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
