My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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