I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
