The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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