I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
