My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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