i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
