hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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