the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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