I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
