im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Farmville is her only friend.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
