I just made out with a guy for $7.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We left the knife in your bed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
