I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
True strength comes from lack of pants
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize