Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
