i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
