I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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