All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
