this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
