she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
