Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
