Please don't use social media to get back at me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
