Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
