I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
