I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
