Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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